Redefining Love in February: Why Self-Love Is the Relationship That Lasts

February has a personality. Some days it feels neutral. Some days it feels heavy. Other days, it feels mildly annoying — especially when Safeway looks like Cupid signed a long-term lease in the floral department. You can avoid the chalky candy hearts. That’s easy. But when there are approximately 350 million heart balloons hovering near the ceiling, it’s hard not to notice that “love season” has arrived.

Last year, I wrote about love as an action — something we choose daily, not just something we feel. That still stands. But this year, I’ve been thinking about what happens when we turn that same idea inward. If love is an action… what does it look like when we apply it to ourselves? Love isn’t just romance. For me, it’s always been love for family and friends. But in this season of my life, I’m learning that self-love deserves just as much intention.

The Version of Self-Love That Doesn’t Work

When people say “self-love,” it can feel vague. Sometimes it sounds like a permanent state of happiness, confidence, and glowing skin. But self-love without context is unhelpful.

It doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect.
It doesn’t mean life is perfect.
It doesn’t mean you wake up loving every single thing about yourself.

Sometimes self-love looks like self-assessment. Sometimes it means admitting, “There are areas I need to grow.” Sometimes it means acknowledging habits that no longer serve you. Self-love isn’t pretending everything is fine. It’s being honest without being cruel.

The Self-Love That Actually Changes You

For me, the real work has been in boundaries, forgiveness, rest, and self-trust. Those weren’t natural strengths; they were developed through growth and, if I’m honest, through discomfort.

Over the last couple of years, I decided to dig deeper into personal development, and in doing so, I realized something important: love requires action. It isn’t passive. If I say I love someone, I show up. I adjust. I put in effort. Why would loving myself be any different?

Self-love isn’t just a feeling you wait for. It’s something you practice consistently, especially when it would be easier not to. It’s about acceptance. It’s about staying. It’s about choosing not to abandon yourself when things feel uncomfortable, messy, or unfinished. The relationship you have with yourself is the one that follows you everywhere. And like any meaningful relationship, this one requires attention to thrive.

What It Looks Like on a Regular Tuesday

On an ordinary, unimpressive day, self-love looks like doing things I don’t necessarily want to do for my health.

It looks like eating certain foods — or not eating certain foods.
It looks like going to bed when I’d rather scroll.
It looks like moving my body when motivation is nowhere to be found.

It also looks like forgiving myself when I mess up. Because I can be hard on myself. I replay mistakes. I measure myself against imaginary “shoulds.” I get frustrated when I’m not “there” yet — wherever “there” is supposed to be. So now, when that spiral starts, I try to reframe the narrative. I remind myself that people aren’t perfect. And I am also people. That one helps.

Love That Isn’t Performance-Based

One of the biggest shifts in my life has come from a clearer understanding of God’s love. If God can love imperfect me — forgive imperfect me — then who am I to hold myself to a harsher standard?

Performance-based love is conditional love. And that’s not the kind of love I want to model or accept. I think about the people in my life. I don’t love them because they perform perfectly. I love them because they are who they are. And the people who love me best don’t withdraw affection when I fall short. That’s real love.

Scripture emphasizes accepting God’s forgiveness rather than clinging to self-condemnation. In many ways, excessive self-condemnation is just another way of saying we don’t fully believe in grace. So during hard seasons, I focus on Him. On His acceptance. On His steadiness. That perspective helps me stay with myself rather than turn against myself.

No Matter Where You Are This February

Whether you’re single, healing, partnered, or just tired, the invitation is the same: align your actions with your current season.

If you’re single, build a life you love now. Don’t wait for a relationship to start living.
If you’re healing, move at your own pace. Compassion beats rushing every time.
If you’re partnered, be intentional. Connection doesn’t maintain itself.
If you’re simply exhausted, radical rest may be the most loving choice available to you.

Regardless of status, self-compassion, community, and rest are never wasted investments. And if you’re tired of being single? Shift your focus from chasing validation to building fulfillment. Your life has meaning now, not just someday.

A Valentine’s Day Recommendation (From a Single Lady)

Since February is the month of love, I fully endorse doing something good for yourself simply because you love yourself.

As a single woman, I spend Valentine’s Day however I want. This year, I plan to order pizza, snack on my hand-picked chocolates, and watch movies all day. I’m saying yes to indulgence, rest, joy, and possibly indigestion…and I can’t wait.

Love isn’t just something you hope someone gives you. Sometimes, it’s something you choose — for yourself — first.